“Most of us men like women, you know; it’s just that we find them a constant
disappointment….sometimes God bless you with one which is a keeper”
I came across the above statement on face book earlier today and thought right away that it will make for an interesting dialogue. In every generation, in every society, among every people group the heart-break often experienced in relationships is all too common. You cannot run out of love songs that speak to the disappointment from opening and giving your heart to someone.
The above statement is obviously from the view-point of a man. let me be clear in stating that I am not a misogynist so the object of this post is not to be seen as a women-bashing opportunity. I am pretty certain that women may be saying the same thing as well.
However, the statement implies that after constant disappointments a “blessing” comes in the form of a keeper. In our Caribbean vernacular and culture having a keeper means that there is now a third person in the relationship: a love triangle, an extra-marital affair or just a one night stand.
But why do people in relationships often get disappointed. I will propose it is because one or both parties at some point no longer is willing to continue the adaptation process to continue the connection with the other person. There are persons, having lived with each other for decades are still learning new things about their partners. Additionally, to grow and remain in love one must each day one wakes “choose” to love and accept the significant other.
In today’s dating arena it is often expected that it is okay to find the easy way out and separate and move on. If we follow the trending patterns of those who have the good life we might arrive at the erroneous conclusion that having a partner for an intimate relationship is rather like having tires for your vehicle, clothes in your closet, or shoes lined up under the bed somewhere. In other words, we are prepared to have a different partner for the different seasons or situations in life.
One of the very sad things about experiencing disappointments in relationships is that if one is not careful one will not venture into the cold waters of love again. And that community of unwilling lovers seems to be silently growing. And having your heart-broken is not restricted to class, age, sex or ethnicity. Not too long ago, a young man informed me that he spent a night crying because he had so easily and openly given his heart to his girlfriend–even posting love notes on face book and msn messenger–only to be told by the young lady that she does not want him. And both of them are in their teen years.
People in the “Heart Break Hotel” also are victims or perpetrators of violence. Not too long ago while at a church function I had to intervene in a situation where a young man in his twenties literally pushed, kicked and box his alleged girl friend. His explanation was that he was tired of the girl “making the public laugh at him.” It seemed that the young lady was telling him she wants some space but he happened to be in the vicinity and saw her waiting for another man. And she had reportedly told him she was in another location just moments before via the telephone.
Can couples really successfully safe guard themselves against disappointments in relationships? What are your own experiences? Have you been the cause of someone’s disappointment? Or were you on the receiving end of the disappointment? This is indeed a moot that is deserving of an open and honest dialogue. Let us use the blogosphere to share and learn from each other.