Several end point situations in the human existence are deemed a cycle: crime, unemployment, poverty, just to name a few. As many young ladies innocently attempt to fulfil their dream of having a stable family with a permanent partner, they are often landed on the merry-go-round, visiting relationships ride.
It seems that as men we just want to “sow our royal oats”. Guys will meet on the block and brag about their sexual conquests; indeed, we are raised to believe that as men it is the hunt and the thrill of the journey of getting a woman is the important thing.
The truth is, many women are left alone to suffer and struggle with their children simply because the objectives of both genders are way different. While a woman is looking forward to a safe, reassuring, complementary relationship that is conducive to family growth, the typical man is looking for a woman’s ability to sexually tame the ravenous carnivore in him.
It is unfortunate that men these days do not recognize the reproductive and paternal costs necessary for a pleasurable and enduring relationship. A man will friend with a woman until such times as talk of taking the relationship to the “next level”.
It is interesting to note that even this expression is interpreted differently by man and woman. To a man, the next level he hopes is having sex while the woman is hoping the next level is some security measures such as engagement, marriage, getting a house, or something like that.
Men abandon their women at pregnancy or after attending day 1 of the “next level” relationship summit. You can validate what I am saying by the use of the popular terms baby mama, baby daddy.
I am saddened that a person’s worth or significance is just being the parent of one’s child. There was a time when one’s partner was called honey, dear, sweetheart, etc.
The result is that our well-intentioned “baby mamas” begin to knock from pillar to post to secure a father figure and financial input for their beloved children.
It is my opinion that more and more of our “baby daddies” do not want to be a functional father; they are looking only for the next available vagina. The children in particular are seen by these ‘baby daddies” as an unwelcome and unwanted bother and hindrance.
The “baby daddies” do not really love the children, but in an attempt to please the “baby mammas” who they love and want to make happy for a bright sexual future, the try to be a daddy; however, when the realities of the permanent non-stop responsibilities of fatherhood kicks in they use their back up parachute and abandon the aircraft in mid-air turbulence.
look at so many of our children are growing up without the intimacy and input of their fathers. Is it possible that these children—particularly our boys—will come of age and say, “I made it without a daddy, so my children can make it, too?”
And the ladies who are becoming empowered through education and decision-making positions are beginning to see all of this and are getting to the point of only wanting a man as a “sperm donor.
What is to become of our Caribbean families in the future? I propose that unless we re-educate and re-socialize our males, the human family in the Caribbean and quite possibly among all black communities will very well become like that of the animals, such as what occurs with dogs, goats, etc.
The old saying of bam, slam, thank you madam has never been more practised.
It is time to begin to pay the price to move our men from “baby daddy” to “father.”